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Pages: if it's not you then it's not you [1]
Author Topic: If it's not you then it's not you
Buddy

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2011-02-08 16-50-21

if it's not you then it's not you i don't think you can force it. i mean i'm sure you can learn how to be eventually but if it's not who you are will you be happy?
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badeaux

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2011-02-11 7-49-45-

i want to be its a real fantasy of mine to be the with the power. i have done little things mean and i love the surge of power but i cant seem to just let go and be REALLY mean. i want to but...
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  • prill

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    2011-02-12 9-56-47-

    here is mistake i see being dominant has nothing to do with being mean. in all honestly, i think it's the other way around. you have to be caring and loving. if your sub doesn't feel cared for then you may just look like an ass-hole. respect is a huge part of this type of relationship. you don't get that (in my opinion) by being mean. check this site out that may give you good ideas and more of an inside look as to how things may work out. a good poster from here brings it up often and it's quite imformitive
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    kimmo

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    2011-02-14 1-04-14-

    maybe i just used wrong words. mean. sorry but its kinda what you do... be mean. i just want to be what i never am. i want to be in total charge. have the power.
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    estrin

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    2011-02-25 9-16-58-

    to have the control and power you don't have to be mean though. assertive yes, confident yes, and dominant of course. other shit is involved which i can't remember but mean shouldn't be in your vocabulary unless that's what she is asking for. work on a "safe word" if your fear is hurting her with your "meanness". this will or at least should eliminate any injury
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  • acacia

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    Posts: 27

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    2011-03-23 22-42-49

    Then figure out what you like. What makes you happy and comfortable. Then demand it. I personally think of queening/facesitting as a real good first step for squeamish wannabe dominant women. ;) It's a way of saying, "I'm in control" without, y'know, beating someone up or raping their ass or whatever. I am biased, of course. I dig queening. :D
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    viscusi

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    2011-04-18 9-16-19-

    Oh, wait. The above only applies if you're a split-tail. :D I assumed you were a split-tail because you wanted to draw out your inner bitch or whatever. Are you a female? 'Cause I can offer different advice if you're a dude.
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    2011-07-03 4-39-13-

    female
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  • novick

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    2011-08-07 19-05-04

    you can do this in subtle ways and still be in charge...start by being firm and tie your SO up night surprising him..tell him in an even tone that tonight he is yours and he will perofrm for you..have fun..know limits, but definately be in charge..blind fold him, tease him to the point of cumming but tell him if he does you will spank him..you do not have to be mean..just firm and devious
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  • bogacz

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    2011-09-18 8-15-23-

    You don't even have to be devious. If you just give instructions in a confident way that shows you have the upper hand, no matter what the instructions are, you're being dominant. Y'know, like, "Kiss my neck...that's good. Now, bite it...harder!" while it seems a bit bottomy in action, is all top in attitude. If ya got me. Aw, I'm all confused again. I need a cigarette.
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  • sparger

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    2011-10-18 17-20-20

    your right again..poor choice of words
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  • mcpeak

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    2011-10-24 13-05-18

    i got it. i just want more. want harder. more.
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    kupferman

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    2011-11-07 11-36-10

    Go right ahead. You have our permission. ;)
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    ogle

    Sexy
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    2011-11-10 18-04-06

    Hmm. You beat him up yet? Lash him with a belt? That's a favorite pasttime of mine. Slap him in the mouth when he talks back? That's fun, too. Threaten him? Talk shit? Degrade him? Humiliate him? It depends a lot on what turns you both on. What is it about being a mean dominant woman that appeals to you? What is keeping you from realizing this domme fantasy of yours?
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  • condello

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    2011-12-29 0-55-51-

    there is a difference between being a Domme,and being a sadist sadists enjoy inflicting pain,they truly find pleasure in it a Dominant craves control and pain isn't always involved perhaps you should read through the site javi posted below, it may help you to clarify what it is you're looking for
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  • canchola

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    2012-02-23 0-26-08-

    to be brutally honest you are scaring me LOL...it has to start somewhere..I really think you need to talk to him..is he willing to be spaanked..if so..blind fold him..have a safe word and start to beat his ass..let your self go..
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  • menge

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    2012-04-22 10-43-13

    sorry to scare! lol and thanks
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    villafana

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    2012-07-26 3-43-59-

    You can still express your sweetness. I always do. I'm a nurturer by nature, but I'm a sadist as well. When he hurts for me like a good boy, I always comfort and soothe him after I'm done tormenting him. If you can find that idea appealing--of saving the sweetness for the aftercare--then perhaps you can make it work for you inside your head enough to make it happen in reality. But if you still get the giggles when giving an order and seeing it carried out, this may beof those things that should stay on the "fantasy only" shelf for a while until you can comfortable in your own skin and can take yourself seriously in that role.
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    minassian

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    2012-08-13 0-50-03-

    done some i have tied him up. been firm and given commands. tried smothering once but not my thing.(smothering)
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  • Zahir

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    2012-10-24 9-36-29-

    Okay. What *is* your thing? Sort that out, then sort out a way to be demanding about it. ;) Honestly, it either comes to you or it doesn't. Some people just aren't meant for topping. You could always check out domme porn and take some cues from that, but...y'know. Either you got it or you don't.
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    cullipher

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    2012-12-05 3-55-21-

    Perhaps an attitude of strength and control?
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  • eichenbaum

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    Posts: 28

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    2013-01-26 17-34-36

    hey NK..talked with wife today posted below..still a work in progress :)
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  • eichmann

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    Posts: 19

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    2013-03-05 14-03-35

    Yes, I understand. and being mean is part of my domination quite frequently. What you need to do is get really comfortable inside your own skin, inside the role of dominant female. You can't be shy, and you can't be hesitant. You can't be afraid of how your submissive/bottom will view you--you have to know that they trust you and love you and want to do everything you say, to do anything to please you. Being a domme means being comfortable with power, having an idea of what you want, having clear expectations of a sub/bottom. If you can give orders with a straight face, you should be able to pull it off. If you like receiving oral sex, order him to go down on you--then tell him how to do it (harder, softer, faster, slower, suck it, lick it, put your finger in me, et cetera). If he fucks up while carrying out an order, correct the behavior with a punishment. If this all sounds a bit much, you may be trying to jump into this too quick. I wasn't always an evil domme cunt, but when I becamethe role fit like a glove. ;)
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    bistline

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    2013-04-02 13-00-46

    lol. thanks
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    al-asmari

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    2013-04-06 17-34-21

    I guess we need to find what your thing is :)...one thing however you cannot be what you are not...I am a switch and my wife is a total submisive...she tried to Domme me (for my sake) and all i could do was laugh..not at her, but because she could not possibly be something she is not...
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    hardtke

    Sr. Member
    Posts: 36

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    2013-04-15 19-39-58

    thats how i feel i want to be domme but i feel so fake its laughable. how can i make it real? i desperately want to act on my fantasy at least once
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  • mcnaney

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    2013-06-08 14-36-53

    you do realize that some fantasies are meant to stay as fantasies. i mean it'd be great if it works out but if it doesn't then there goes your fantasy.
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    Rini

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    2013-08-17 18-57-58

    excellent point.
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  • hanish

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    2013-09-27 16-40-59

    very well said javi
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